Children Writing About the Ocean

(Thanks to Kat Peterson for sharing this with me!)

1. This is a picture of an octopus.  It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6 )

2. Oysters' balls are called pearls.  (Jerry, age 6)

3. If you are surrounded by ocean,  you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.  (Mike, age 7)

4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and  have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.  (Kylie, age 6)

5. A dolphin breathes through an  asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6. My uncle goes out in his boat  with 2 other men and a woman with pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie, age 6)

7. When ships had sails, they used  to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow  the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would  have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8. Mermaids live in the ocean. I  like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on  earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9. I'm not going to write about the  ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and  my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think of what to write. (Amy,  age 6)

10. Some fish are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in  caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11. When you go swimming in the  ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age  6)

12. Divers have to be safe when they  go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13. On vacation my Mom went water  skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age  7)

14. The ocean is made up of water and  fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15. My dad was a sailor on the ocean.  He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a  sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)